Julie 的个人资料Trembling in the Mystery照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
|
Trembling in the MysteryYour hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights. Kahlil Gibran 2月7日 LoveLove is a spiritual cataylst designed for the purpose of inciting growth and an awareness of the universe's synergistic nature. This awareness ultimately leads to the integration of the "self" with the timeless energy of all that has been or ever will be created, and thus the circle is complete, for this translates to integration with love itself (the source from which all things originate) 4月1日 A Blessing for the Senses.May your body be blessed.
May you realize that your body is a faithful and beautiful
friend of your soul.
And may you be peaceful and joyful and recognize that your
senses are sacred thresholds.
May you realize that holiness is mindful, gazing, feeling,
hearing and touching.
May your senses gather you and bring you home.
May your senses always enable you to celebrate the universe
and the mystery and possibilities in your presence here.
May the Eros of the earth bless you.
Anam Cara, A book of Celtic Wisdom. John O' Donohue.
(I plan on etching this brillant piece of wisdom onto my full length mirror.) 1月30日 Sacred Conversation.God speaks to each of us as he makes us, 12月4日 Spiritual MaturitySpiritual life is not about adopting any one particular philosophy or set of beliefs or teachings, it is not a cause for taking a stand in opposition to someone else or something else. It is an easiness of heart that understands that all of the spiritual vehicles are rafts to cross the stream to freedom.
Jack Kornfield. A Path With Heart
11月23日 This Time Around....Friend, hope for truth while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
What you call "salvation" belongs to the time before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you are alive,
do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten-
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now, you will simply end up with
an empty apartment in The City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next life
you will have the face of satisfied desire.
Kabir.
I will not live my life based on fear of consequense. I will make choices that feed my heart and soul right now. My morality will be goverened by a heart acting from a place of true desire, not one that dreads what is to come should I make a wrong step. I am not dirty, evil, wrong, immoral or shameful to behold simply because my soul is cloaked in humanity. My desires are a means toward enlightenment. We are all beautiful and worthy. Question those whose doctrine sets out to make you feel shame as a way to control your actions and/or thoughts. It is not wrong to have questions. Be weary of people and institutions who judge you as sinful for being curious. A favorite meal, a soft down jacket, a satisfying conversation, a child's wonder...... these things are heaven. We miss what is right in front of us chasing a mirage of something that promises to reward us for good behaviour, when in fact living in truth and light is the reward. So the question is this, How can I/we make love with the divine today? Wake up.
8月22日 My 29th Birthday My 29th birthday was spent eating too much at Kelly o's (a favorite local restaurant), playing cards in the backyard, enjoying chocolate fondue with strawberries, pineapple and Bannanas and watching my favorite girly movie.
(Me, Kristen, Heidi, Dad, roses from Heidi, strawberry wine gift basket from Kristen.) 4月26日 ForgivenessWhat does it mean to forgive? I have struggled with this question as of late. Have I really forgiven those who I need to? I have come to following conclusions. Forgiveness means letting go of your need for revenge. It also means that you choose to stop replaying the scenario in your mind, thus keeping your pain and anger fresh. You allow it to dissipate over time. When you truly wish the person who wronged you no harm or ill fate you have forgiven them.
The key (for me) was realizing what forgiveness isn't. It's ok if I don't want to converse with someone from my past. It is ok not to like them as well. If it serves me to exclude someone from my life that is perfectly acceptable, and it does not mean I have failed to forgive. As long as I can stop the growth of bitterness I have met my obligations. It is not my responsibility to pick someone up, or help them move past an issue. I am not responsible for the well being of anyone other than myself. It is time for me to let go of the guilt that has been holding me back. I have answered the call of forgiveness and now I am free. 12月30日 Resolve.Today is the second day I have endured without the pleasure of smoking. I decided to quit simply because I would rather spend the hundreds of dollars I burn each month on something more useful. I chose to quit before January because I don't care to join the masses in making yet another resolution destined to be forgotten one night while gorging on chips, chocolate and the many other things we all vow to deny ourselves of. Quitting has been both easier and harder than I expected. It really is very simple to quit smoking. Just don't do it! Case closed. I find the mental aspect hardest to deal with. There are certain times of the the day I associate with having a cigarette. At those times I can almost feel the smoke caressing the inside of my mouth and sliding down my throat. After work today I really wanted one. Lucky for me, I'm an extremely proud person. Enough people know of my desire to quit, and I can't stand the thought of failing in front of an audience. That is why my dramatic and self indulgent nature hasn't led me to a career in acting. (that, and the camera adds 10 pounds)
Wish me Luck. 10月19日 Smooth Moves.I attended my first belly dance class last night. I was talking to Rosyln on messenger after I got home and tried to explain some of the moves we were learning. One of which involves moving your entire torso in a giant wave using your upper and lower abs to follow your spine in an uninterupted flowing S movement. She said it sounded HOT and I had to tell her that it didn't appear so sexy when you performed the move with your tounge half out and your face contorted while grunting.
I met a really nice lady, who appeared to be in her fifties. she had a short, structured haircut and soft, all white hair. Her face was framed by large ornate dangling earrings and her hips were wrapped in a silky black scarve adorned with mini metal coins that made soft, metalic sounds as she shimmied. She promptly walked over to me at the beginning of the class and tied a multi colored, fringed scarve around my waist, explaining that it made the movements look more graceful. I'm sure I proved her wrong by the end of the class. A few of the women offered me encouragement after the class. I was touched by the supportive atmosphere. These women seem hell bent on transforming confused newcomers into graceful, sensual masters of an ancient art they've come to love. There is a performance at the end of November, and although I plan to continue with the weekly classes I WILL NOT be participating in the performance. Trevor says I'm chicken. I prefer to save the last ounce of pride I emerged with after stepping outside of the overheated, mirrored, glittery classroom. 10月13日 For Gracie.I'm sitting at my computer eating an english muffin slathered with cream cheese and black current jam. I just finished another day at work. My days seem to bleed into one another and I wonder if it is worse to feel too little or too much.
I received an email from my ex's mother yesterday. the subject line read, "I miss you sweet girl" The email was a general update and the declaration that no matter what, we are still family. I miss them. I will always love them.
The funeral home called last week. My mothers headstone has finally been set into the ground. I'm torn between the excitement of having somewhere to go to talk to and honor her and wishing that I could keep denying the finality a little longer.
I haven't yet come to a full understanding of what satisfaction means. It seems that there is always something to long for, and in the absence of longing life can be pretty mundane.
I've noticed a change in myself, it is a simple one. It is the loss of a measure of innocence. I don't view the world in the same way. I don't need in the same way. I don't hurt as much anymore, but I don't feel as much either. But, life is a series of tradeoffs.
9月19日 Appreciation"Every moment that's ever been, or ever will be is gone the instant it's begun. Life is loss. The secret of happiness is to love the moment more than you mourn the loss."
Is it time that heals all wounds? I've come to realize it is not the amount of time that passes that numbs the ache, but what we do in the time between pain and healing that overcomes sadness. In my experience, the grief associated with the loss of someone or something feels like being robbed - robbed of the dreams we had that extended far into the future.
It is only when we can step outside of our feeling of being victimized by those who've abandoned us, fate, life...... (we can find many sources of blame) and begin to appreciate the moments of warmth, love, and creativity a person or chapter in our lives graced us with that we connect to the feeling of love, and we come to understand it is present in us always.
The moments that we mourn shape us and change us. We have not been robbed of anything, we have not lost, for those moment remain forever a part of who we are, written in time, untouchable.
Who are we to think we have a claim to the future? It is our own expectations of continuation that harm us. Love the moment, appreciate the memory and be thankful. Every breath, every good experience, is a gift of grace.
9月16日 Beautiful Things."Each that we lose takes part of us;
A crescent still abides,
Which like the moon, some turbid night,
Is summoned by the tides"
(Emily Dickinson)
"He who learns must suffer
Even in our sleep,
Pain which we cannot forget
Falls drop by drop upon the heart,
Until, in our own despair,
Against our will,
Comes wisdom,
Through the awful grace of god"
(Aeschylus)
What is beautiful? Am I, are you?
I know one thing for sure, and it is that beautiful things find us in the most unlikely places and surprising ways. When I have been deep in the mire of self doubt, pain and fear, simple and beautiful truths have made themselves known to me......the kind of timeless beauty that seeps into the very core of one's soul and whispers, " You're alive." These moments may have appeared tragic or bittersweet to some, but it was these difficult moments (not the sacchrine sweet screaching of glee) that took root within me and showed me the depth, fragility and therefore, inherent, breathtaking wonder of my humanity.
8月9日 II was in a war once, in another time and another place - I was her at the time, not I. There was a time that I enjoyed the thrill of battle, the possibility of victory. But I've come to realize victory is never aquired from within the trenches. There is only one system of government that I obey, one doctrine to which I subscribe, one ruler to whom I bow, and she is I. There is nothing poetic about being a martyr, it is no less ugly to sell my soul to fulfill the needs of another than it is to sell theirs to fulfill mine. I have shed the ignorant belief that screams, "the needs of many outweigh the needs of the few". I no longer desire to sublimate myself in a vain attempt to attain a sense of worth from the collective. The collective is comprised of the individuals it seeks to control. Therefore, it is my singular aim to protect and strengthen myself as the individual. Long before I was defined by culture, or enslaved by societies requirements pertaining to how I should look, feel, act and respond...... I was myself, purely and without apology. And long after the flimsy things that I define myself by crumble around me in a useless heap of haunting memories, burning regrets and relentless longing, I will be standing in the middle of the ruins with one thing in my possesion, one thing I will never lose.... myself. Who is this (if nothing else, enduring) creature? When I try to grasp the concept of her, trace an image of her in my mind by piecing together who she has been and is now, she demurely evades my prodding and keeps me endlessly trailing after her with a knowing gaze as she dissappears into a fine whirling mist. I'm left waiting, wondering when and if she will ever stop changing forms. Perhaps she knows that if she became to familiar I would stop seeking her so fervently. She always did love being adored. 7月11日 LunaLuna has been missing for 5 days. When I woke up this morning I felt like crying. I miss her.
Choices.
I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting it to produce a different result. A friend of mine is exercising her right of choice to beat her head against the same wall, a road she's been down more than a few times before. Admittedly, it is none of my damn business, but what bothers me is the affect it may have on her beautiful child. I'm trying my best to hope and believe that this time it will be different. The realization that people have to make their own choices does little to comfort me. There is no magic composition of words, no well planned, logical argument I can craft that will make her approach this differently. There are times it seems as though certain people are trapped within an illusion of their own creation. Habitual behaviours are reinforced by an assumed pay off in the mind, but is the percieved pay off worth the real and lasting consequences? These are all things I should be saying to her, but I know she'd stare at me blankly, perhaps throw in a token nod or two to convince me she's listening, and then go on her merry way. It all makes me wonder, in what ways do I beat my head against the same wall to the bemusement of those around me?
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
|
|
